The emotional roller-coasters, the confessions, the apologies, the make-ups. Tired of them all.
What do you want me to do?
What do you mean, you'll stand by my side even if you seem reluctant? What do you mean, you still believe in me? There was a time when you didn't?
How can I find success and happiness in the years ahead when my best friend doesn't make sense to me anymore?
Why do you think I complain? So that I can get it out of my system and gear up to face the problem. I don't complain and then leave it aside and forget to deal about it. Horrible things are happening around the world, but does my life have to stop altogether for them? Should I stop complaining because other people have worse things to complain about? If I complained, and then did my job right, and then moved on with my life and at the same time continued to stay aware of what's happening around the world, would that be wrong?
So someone who complains that she's stressed out, that she has too many disturbing things on her mind, shouldn't be allowed to participate in scholars' cup?
So the President of the United States isn’t allowed to complain about the stress in his life, because the things happening in Gaza make his life trivial?
Do you think I don't care about what's happening now? I care. I care a lot. But I have my own life to deal with too and my way of dealing with it is getting all the anger out of my system by grumbling about it, and then working hard to do better.
Getting into Scholars' Cup was a huge thing for me. Heaven knows what i would have done to vent my anger if I hadn't complained about it. I know my problems are trivial compared to the problems of the world, but it's my life, they’re not trivial to me, and I'm the one dealing with them.
If you don't think I deserve a place in Scholars' Cup because of that, then don't say you want to be in the team with me.
Speaking of complaining, I know I also have wrongs in this. I probably shouldn’t have drawn you in to listen to my complaints, especially when it ends up working out for me and you feel a bit cheated that you had to spend all that time listening to me for nothing. So I’m sorry for that, and I promise I’ll keep some of it in, although I will never stop complaining altogether, because that’s my way of dealing with things. If I have to, I won’t complain to you, if you don’t want to listen. You’re just the first person I complain to because you’re my best friend and I know you’ll listen—although maybe I expected too much.
I know I hurt people without knowing it, and I'm working on it. You know I am.
But I can't talk to you properly now.
I want to say thank you for being honest with me, for the note, and the email, and saying that you wanted to give me your support. Thank you for still being sweet and kind to me these days. I'm sorry for complaining about things you’d rather not listen to me complaining about, for making you think that there's a problem in our relationship now--or a problem in me. It must have been hard on you too, to have to say that you "still liked me as a person", although you must have been aching to be mad at me. I love you, because you've always been a great friend and you've always been there for me.
But this time round, I think I'm the one hurt.
WELCOME
-hey y'all! -
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PROFILE
this is where i let rip, so be warned that you might not like everything that pops up here. but i do, so deal with it. (: .
loves
this is so subject to change that i'm not even gonna bother listing them down.
hates
too many, and the list would be extremely volatile, anyway.
wants
a place in Oxford University (good luck, jennifer.)
for someone to know that he has a special place in her heart!
to survive in HCJC next year
not to have so many wants (but who's counting?)