I haven't been posting much because our household net connection has been totally screwed recently, so I couldn't really stay online long enough to rant. Now, however, we have a new router. We salute the previous router for its faithful service and have given it an honourary position on the top of our bookshelf, where it will remain for a very long time to come.
PAST You've realized that small things can make your day. They can be really small and insignificant, but they all add up. Last Sunday, your mum bought a couple of t-shirts and a to-die-for sweater for me. That doesn't seem like a lot, and you assume they didn't cost very much, but it's nice to come home and be greeted with a nice pink, tight-fitting surprise. On Monday, you had laksa for lunch. You haven't had that for lunch for donkey's years. When you got home from the competition (I'll get on about that later), we had curry for dinner--another favourite. All these little homemade (or home-bought) surprises can change your mood. When you think about them altogether, it makes you feel like you have a lot to live for. At least, for now. You're going to enjoy these little pleasantries while they last.
PRESENT Friends can be a flower in your life, and they can also be a thorn. What happens when someone you thought you knew turns on you? It may not necessarily be betrayal, but nevertheless you feel like something on your part has been breached. When you think about it, your mind gets tangled up in itself and you don't know what is right and what is wrong. You have other friends to fall back on, but then you wonder if they will do the same to you, if they already are. If one person can do it, why not everyone else? Who can you trust? Who can you love? Some people remain constant in a stressful, ever-changing world; other people become the changes that define the darker side of your life. How do you forgive when you cannot forget? Have you ever been truly forgiven? The people who set you off the most are the ones who never tell you how they really feel. They beat around the bush and play a guessing game with you, which, inevitably, you will lose. They lie. And because of that, you wonder how you will be the same again.
It's so easy to destroy someone's image. All you have to do is ask; and then a whole stream of ugly things pours out. You may not believe them, but they will stick to the back of your mind and may even cloud your judgment about that person. You will try to be impartial, but those things you have heard about will remain in your head. You also wonder--if people can talk about him or her like this, what do they say about you behind your back? Again, you struggle to find someone you can trust.
At the end of the day, family is the one thing that stays the same. The people in whose veins run your own blood will never betray you; you know they won't. And you won't betray them. Even if there is a breach of trust, it can always be mended. Friends are different. You either accept them, or you don't. With family, you don't need that choice.
You've realized that ability and performance are two very different things. You may be a brilliant fighter; but your performance on the field may tell an entirely different story. What will it take to show ability in performance? It's probably impossible for someone like you. You try as hard as you can, and that's all that matters, but somehow, you just wish you could play on the court like you play on training grounds. That would be fabulous. You also wish you had someone to fight with. Someone who you can fall back on. Someone you know will never blame you for things you cannot control.
What you don't know won't hurt you until you come to know what you don't know.
You need time and a lot of brainpower to think everything through. You have your bouts of anger; and then they fade, leaving only tiredness and exhaustion.
You're living a typical human life.
WELCOME
-hey y'all! -
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PROFILE
this is where i let rip, so be warned that you might not like everything that pops up here. but i do, so deal with it. (: .
loves
this is so subject to change that i'm not even gonna bother listing them down.
hates
too many, and the list would be extremely volatile, anyway.
wants
a place in Oxford University (good luck, jennifer.)
for someone to know that he has a special place in her heart!
to survive in HCJC next year
not to have so many wants (but who's counting?)