Yeah okay I don't really know why I'm posting this when I should be STUDYING (JENNIFER YOU FREAKING PROCRASTINATOR) but I really have to let it out, so.
You ready?
I'M GONNA DIE SO BADLY OMG I WANNA BURY MYSELF SO DEEP IN THE GROUND THE HEAT FROM THE EARTH'S CORE SCORCHES MY ASS.
I've just realized the enormity and the importance of what I'm fighting for. I mean, well, it's not really THAT big a deal--just getting into a really good Junior College, and getting into an even more elite Humanities Program. But it's just that I want it so badly. To top it off, everyone knows I want it, everyone thinks I'm gonna make it. And I know I should live life for myself and not give a damn about what other people think, but the thing is, when you start living a high-profile life where most people in school know you and have expectations of you regardless of whether they like you or not, it gets to you. It doesn't inflate your head, certainly. It just puts pressure on you and reminds you that the world expects you to deliver, and God forbid, if you ever fail... I have a good chance, but things happen, you know? I'm up against serious competition, anyway.
So, yeah, working hard is taken care of. I can't say I'm not working hard, although sometimes I do have to slap myself a few times to stay awake--but I'm putting in effort and I'm getting things done. All that's left is those few hours that will determine pretty much everything for me right now. If I get it, and ohmygod I want it so much, then kudos to me :D If I don't, I suspect I'll get over it, but things will never be the same for me. I mean, well, yeah. I take that long to get over big stuff like this.
I'm really fighting for something for the first time in my life.
World Scholar's Cup was a fight. Table tennis is a fight. EOYs have always been a fight. This is different. It feels bigger.
On the other hand, I just went running and it felt SO GOOD OH MAN. And now I've just had my shower and I feel so refreshed and ready for anything (except perspiring again) and I'm going to have a nice, nutritious dinner. Ah, the small pleasures of life.
OKAY DINNER AND THEN HOMEWORK THANKS BYE BYE.
WELCOME
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PROFILE
this is where i let rip, so be warned that you might not like everything that pops up here. but i do, so deal with it. (: .
loves
this is so subject to change that i'm not even gonna bother listing them down.
hates
too many, and the list would be extremely volatile, anyway.
wants
a place in Oxford University (good luck, jennifer.)
for someone to know that he has a special place in her heart!
to survive in HCJC next year
not to have so many wants (but who's counting?)